Food Allergy Momma

Sometimes I feel like I should be sitting in one of those circles where I stand up and give my name and name the addiction that has me. TV and movies glamorize and bring humor to subjects that are still somewhat taboo to admit or acknowledge, such as alcohol or overeating. And honestly, my list / addiction / problem would be long. 

"Hello, my name is Angie and I am an over-thinker, anxiety-ridden, easily stressed, workaholic, multifunctional, grief trauma-filled, food allergy momma."

I can admit it, now I just need to work on it. I need to bring the positives out of the negatives and find beauty in the ugliness that is in my foresight. The ugliness that I plan for without even giving beauty a chance to be imagined in my mind.

I receive a birthday party invitation and my mind immediately flashes to images of my son hooked up to EKG's, or his little body full of hives as he looks at me with his pleading eyes for help. 

I see holidays come up on the schedule and I spend nights searching Pinterest for recipes of things I can make that everyone would enjoy that are also easy to manipulate to make safe. 

I open a backpack to find a letter from school about a food activity and wonder how he and I can both play hooky that day.

I get on social media and see families on these beautiful vacations and remember I love to travel. I think about how we should take our children places. But then my mind starts picturing the extra luggage to pack food and calls ahead to restaurants and hotels to make sure we can have a microwave in our room. I have to make sure there is a refrigerator that is not the itty-bitty mini ones that are usually present.

People can try to encourage me and look out for us...but as a mother, it is something I have to do myself. I had a time when something I should have done as a mother was not done by me and I am still haunted by that. I talk about it in therapy. I have not healed from it. I may never heal from it, mostly because the situation of loosing a child is something I never wanted to experience and a pain that ironically, I never want to forget.  

So walk with me, see that I cannot have a normal day or go on a normal outing / vacation. But it isn't just me that is effected, and it isn't just Jonah either. Our whole family lives this journey. And it is, a journey. It is a long road with lots of twists and turns. Lots of ups and downs. But also a journey full of love and care. A journey full of strength and wisdom. We learn a lot, we read labels, we wipe tables and chais, we wash hands more than normal, we carry emergency medications, we leave instructions, we prep and cook more, and most importantly we pray. And we have a whole lot of fun, even with our limitations!