It has now been a little over 6 weeks since I gave birth to our precious Riley. We have been covered by so much prayer! God's grace has kept us in such peace! What a blessing!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Today, I learned that I have 1 mutation for the MTHFR gene. I felt my heart stop as I heard this news. It is a more mild form of MTHFR, but to hear that I have it at all was shocking. That is also when the enemy started talking in my ear. He has been saying things like, "Good luck getting pregnant again." "Good luck carrying a child to term." "Good luck ever having a healthy, baby on Earth." And he says them with such bitterness and hate! Unfortunately, my doctor was out and the nurse could not answer all my questions. Therefore, what did I do? I turned to google...not a good idea!
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 1 Peter 5:7-10
I have to remember that God is in charge! That he has this, that he has us! My wonderful husband reminded me how quickly I clotted after delivering Riley. He reminded me that the prescriptions I have to take if we are pregnant again will help. I also talked to a dear friend who has MTHFR. She dropped what she was doing to come pray with Andrew and I. We are so blessed!
God is so much bigger than my MTHFR!
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25-27
I am human. I have to constantly tell myself not to worry. And I need reminders daily from loving friends and family about how BIG God is! It is natural to worry. To worry about future pregnancies. I fear that it will take me years to hold a crying baby of our own in my arms. How awesome is it when I have the moments I do not fear! When I remember God is in charge! How awesome is it when I let the Holy Spirit remind me that I am a gift from God! He reminds me that I need to practice patience and to put my trust in God. He reminds me of how blessed I truly am. He reminds me that sometimes I get caught up in the materialistic world and need to put my sights on His Heavenly Kingdom. A Kingdom that our son is living in right now!
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
If you are like me, and desire in your heart to be pregnant and to one day soon hold your own precious, crying, baby in your arms, please remember God is in charge. We do not know the plans He has for us. We only know that we can pray often throughout the day for His guidance as we live.
And, if you know me, please remind me of that as well!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Our church completed a Jericho walk this past week. We were encouraged to walk our neighborhoods or anywhere we felt called each night. On the 7th night, we met at our future church building grounds and walked the perimeter 7 times. At the start of each lap we were given a slip of paper with a suggestion on what to pray about as we walked that lap. God spoke very clearly to me that night, and I know I was stubborn and selfish and did not fully listen to his words! I know now that he was preparing me for that phone call from my doctors office. He told me to give it ALL to him. I am ashamed to admit that I let the enemy talk louder to me during most that night. The enemy pointed out all of my friends who were also walking. The enemy said, "Look, God gave them children and you could not even keep your one!" Tears flooded my eyes as we walked. Even as I listened, and my heart sank looking at the children, I prayed for God to help me. I told Andrew that it was difficult to watch the other children that night. God kept reminding me how just earlier that evening I held the beautiful daughter of a dear friend and she sang along with the songs. God reminded me how precious that was to hear. God reminded me that even though those children were not my own, they are gifts from God and to enjoy their presence to help heal my broken heart. I hear him say, "Peace child. Have no fear. Do you not trust me?"
"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
Less of us God. Less of me God. More of You God!!!
"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Stage of Life
Last fall, I had the pleasure of attending a women's bible study on Tuesday nights. The same leader started a new lesson in January, and due to prior commitments and the growing Riley inside of me, I was unable to attend a session until last night.
Last night, I had the opportunity to sit in on the bible study. Although I missed the first few weeks, and due to prior obligations, I will miss next week, I still feel like last night gave me a point to ponder and share.
Last night, we discussed seasons of life. The study is called "The Life Ready Woman". In the workbook for this study, there is a page that has different seasons of life in boxes. There were stages such as "Newly married, no children", "Married with pre-school age children", "Married with grade school children", "Married with teens", "Married, Empty Nester", "Widowed", "Not Married". In each stage there was a list of wise steps to take during that stage of your life. Below the wise steps was a key bible verse to look up, geared toward those wise steps. The author, Shaunti Feldhahn, tells the listeners to place a star by the stage or even stages of life they believe they are currently in. She mentioned that you will not necessarily go through the stages in order, or even go through all of the stages.
As I sat looking at the list of stages, I felt more driven to looking at the "Married, Empty Nester" stage. Andrew and I will have been married two years this coming July, making us newly married, but, we do have a son. Our son lives with Jesus instead of with us. So, what stage of life am I in? It only seemed fitting for us to be in the "Married, Empty Nester" stage. As I read the wise steps, it felt like my life at that moment.
Our leader advised us to share the stage of our life we selected with our husband, if we were married, to see if they agreed and what their thoughts may be as to how we are doing following the wise steps.
I have listed the wise steps for "Married, Empty Nester" below with my thoughts along with Andrew's when I shared it with him.
"Build new ways of connecting with your husband and enjoying life together."
Angela: This is true, we are doing this now. For nine months we focused on our growing child. We focused on opening Andrew's practice. We focused on the health care I needed as well as the visits we needed to monitor Riley's heart. As Riley grew bigger, I added a maternity pillow to our bed. Andrew called it my husband barrier. I would go to bed early to keep my feet up and Andrew would be in the living room watching sports. Now, we are watching TV together, we go to bed about the same time, and I am sleeping in his arms without my "husband barrier". We do not have Riley at home with us to change his diapers or hold him. This leaves us with time to spend together and more energy than new parents usually have.
Andrew: We started this more so with the building of the business. We spend more time together now than when we were dating or even early in our marriage. We talk more and pray more together.
"Reinvent your life!"
Angela: Wow! We really are. We expected to be doing so much with Riley at this time. Now we are learning to live without our Riley at home with us. The baby stuff is mostly in the nursery and not scattered throughout the house. We donated the formula to the local Pregnancy Center. We started planning our year again with trips that we had cancelled because the pediatric cardiologist advised against traveling.
Andrew: We have been doing devotionals together. We started after we received a devotional as a gift on New Year's Day. We started reading a second devotional book that we received after Riley's Memorial Service.
"Invest more time in kingdom work that engages your gifts and interests."
Angela: We started doing this back when we first learned about Riley's heart. We focused on it with more enthusiasm when Riley went to Heaven. I am praying more, more out loud in front of people, although not as often as I should. I am praying that God continues to show me what his plan is for me after losing my son. I pray that he shows me what his overall plan for my life is.
Andrew: I started going to a men's bible study. We started attending a Prayer 101 class. We have Christian based practices in our business.
"Consider mentoring younger women."
Angela: I would not say that I am mentoring younger women. But, I would say that from the few who have reached out to me after reading my blogs or facebook posts have mentioned how they are healing or taking in what I have been writing, that I am somewhat mentoring other women. I am honored these women reach out to me. I am honored when they share their story. I blog and talk on facebook, not for the focus of mentoring, but for the focus of healing, for the focus on listening to God when he tells me to write about my feelings.
Andrew: I don't mentor young women, but the words that I have written on Facebook regarding our son Riley and our ability to lean on God for strength have surely touched the lives of women in my life, whether they be friends, colleagues, or people I don't even know.
I challenge you to look at your life, look at what your life consists of right now and think about the stage of life you are currently in. I have not listed all the wise steps for each stage. If you want to read the wise steps they are found in the book, "The Life Ready Woman" by Shaunti Feldhahn. But even without seeing them, think about how the stage of life you are in is glorifying his kingdom. Think about what your time and energy are focused on. Do you need to redirect some of your focus in one area to another? Are you living your life as a witness to Christ?
I want to live my life as a witness to Christ. I want to be remembered for the good I have done and the light that shines around me. My first born son is living in the holiest of places and is one of the few people who can actually say he is without sin! I have sins that I will have to account for, I am not perfect, and unfortunately, I will live the rest of my life fighting the devil. I pray for forgiveness and for Jesus to continue to walk beside me and to give me the strength to choose right over wrong. I pray that my next stage in life includes pre-school age children, along with the empty nest.
Somehow, in my current stage I feel fulfilled and lost all at the same time. I also feel filled with more peace than I ever have before at any of my other stages of life!
Last night, I had the opportunity to sit in on the bible study. Although I missed the first few weeks, and due to prior obligations, I will miss next week, I still feel like last night gave me a point to ponder and share.
Last night, we discussed seasons of life. The study is called "The Life Ready Woman". In the workbook for this study, there is a page that has different seasons of life in boxes. There were stages such as "Newly married, no children", "Married with pre-school age children", "Married with grade school children", "Married with teens", "Married, Empty Nester", "Widowed", "Not Married". In each stage there was a list of wise steps to take during that stage of your life. Below the wise steps was a key bible verse to look up, geared toward those wise steps. The author, Shaunti Feldhahn, tells the listeners to place a star by the stage or even stages of life they believe they are currently in. She mentioned that you will not necessarily go through the stages in order, or even go through all of the stages.
As I sat looking at the list of stages, I felt more driven to looking at the "Married, Empty Nester" stage. Andrew and I will have been married two years this coming July, making us newly married, but, we do have a son. Our son lives with Jesus instead of with us. So, what stage of life am I in? It only seemed fitting for us to be in the "Married, Empty Nester" stage. As I read the wise steps, it felt like my life at that moment.
Our leader advised us to share the stage of our life we selected with our husband, if we were married, to see if they agreed and what their thoughts may be as to how we are doing following the wise steps.
I have listed the wise steps for "Married, Empty Nester" below with my thoughts along with Andrew's when I shared it with him.
"Build new ways of connecting with your husband and enjoying life together."
Angela: This is true, we are doing this now. For nine months we focused on our growing child. We focused on opening Andrew's practice. We focused on the health care I needed as well as the visits we needed to monitor Riley's heart. As Riley grew bigger, I added a maternity pillow to our bed. Andrew called it my husband barrier. I would go to bed early to keep my feet up and Andrew would be in the living room watching sports. Now, we are watching TV together, we go to bed about the same time, and I am sleeping in his arms without my "husband barrier". We do not have Riley at home with us to change his diapers or hold him. This leaves us with time to spend together and more energy than new parents usually have.
Andrew: We started this more so with the building of the business. We spend more time together now than when we were dating or even early in our marriage. We talk more and pray more together.
"Reinvent your life!"
Angela: Wow! We really are. We expected to be doing so much with Riley at this time. Now we are learning to live without our Riley at home with us. The baby stuff is mostly in the nursery and not scattered throughout the house. We donated the formula to the local Pregnancy Center. We started planning our year again with trips that we had cancelled because the pediatric cardiologist advised against traveling.
Andrew: We have been doing devotionals together. We started after we received a devotional as a gift on New Year's Day. We started reading a second devotional book that we received after Riley's Memorial Service.
"Invest more time in kingdom work that engages your gifts and interests."
Angela: We started doing this back when we first learned about Riley's heart. We focused on it with more enthusiasm when Riley went to Heaven. I am praying more, more out loud in front of people, although not as often as I should. I am praying that God continues to show me what his plan is for me after losing my son. I pray that he shows me what his overall plan for my life is.
Andrew: I started going to a men's bible study. We started attending a Prayer 101 class. We have Christian based practices in our business.
"Consider mentoring younger women."
Angela: I would not say that I am mentoring younger women. But, I would say that from the few who have reached out to me after reading my blogs or facebook posts have mentioned how they are healing or taking in what I have been writing, that I am somewhat mentoring other women. I am honored these women reach out to me. I am honored when they share their story. I blog and talk on facebook, not for the focus of mentoring, but for the focus of healing, for the focus on listening to God when he tells me to write about my feelings.
Andrew: I don't mentor young women, but the words that I have written on Facebook regarding our son Riley and our ability to lean on God for strength have surely touched the lives of women in my life, whether they be friends, colleagues, or people I don't even know.
I challenge you to look at your life, look at what your life consists of right now and think about the stage of life you are currently in. I have not listed all the wise steps for each stage. If you want to read the wise steps they are found in the book, "The Life Ready Woman" by Shaunti Feldhahn. But even without seeing them, think about how the stage of life you are in is glorifying his kingdom. Think about what your time and energy are focused on. Do you need to redirect some of your focus in one area to another? Are you living your life as a witness to Christ?
I want to live my life as a witness to Christ. I want to be remembered for the good I have done and the light that shines around me. My first born son is living in the holiest of places and is one of the few people who can actually say he is without sin! I have sins that I will have to account for, I am not perfect, and unfortunately, I will live the rest of my life fighting the devil. I pray for forgiveness and for Jesus to continue to walk beside me and to give me the strength to choose right over wrong. I pray that my next stage in life includes pre-school age children, along with the empty nest.
Somehow, in my current stage I feel fulfilled and lost all at the same time. I also feel filled with more peace than I ever have before at any of my other stages of life!
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