Meal Planning with Food Allergies (FA's)

     I have more of a Type A personality. I need things to be planned and in order. This means that I plan out our dinner menu for the week and base our grocery shopping off of it. It is not always perfect, and it does not always work out, but it helps us be more prepared and stills my anxiety levels.

    And, because now between our 3 kids, we have activities EVERY night, Monday through Friday, we eat around 4-4:30pm. So, I have planned out meals for the next month, which simplifies my weekly grocery list and wraps my head around what is going on, with constant reminders of where to be and when so that we are hopefully on time at the correct location!

    So, let me introduce you to our menu this week, and note that everything is dairy free (DF) or will have a DF version to coordinate for Jonah's food allergies. He is also allergic to cashews, so we avoid those type of tree nuts from entering our house completely. Dairy is more difficult with 2 other children and I love having a glass of milk with my dinner. Also, I do not like the taste of vegan cheese, so I will use dairy cheese for the rest of the family. 

Saturday: Spaghetti - we use Kroger spaghetti and Barilla sauce. I mix the sauce with browned ground beef and we add a few spices/seasonings. We have Texas Toast, so for Jonah we toast plain bread, add vegan butter and sprinkle with garlic powder or salt. And, we have found a DF grated Parmesan "cheese" that we sprinkle on his. 

Sunday: Tortilla Chip & Pepper Jack Crusted Chicken - I will separate and cook in separate dishes, 1 DF and 1 regular. I will use Daiya cheese for the DF dish. I will also make my own DF buttermilk. And, I have a 'recipe' for ranch packets so that it will be completely safe.

The yellow plate is the DF, the blue is Dairy.

Monday: French Toast Casserole - This one is just making sure to find a bread loaf that is DF and not produced on the same line as milk or tree nuts

Tuesday: Copy Cat Recipe of P.F. Changs Lettuce Wraps

Wednesday: Disappearing Chicken Casserole - Same thing as Sunday, separate the DF cheese dish from the dairy cheese dish

Small white dish is DF, other dish is dairy, but I did use DF sour cream, cream cheese, and mayo

Thursday: Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Breakfast Rollups - Jonah's will have Daiya DF cheddar slices and I will cook them on a separate baking tray.

Friday: Red 7 Pizza - They can make a vegan cheese, non-cross contamination pizza for Jonah!

I will try to remember to add pictures after I make the dishes this week. 

Anxiety

If you search the definition of anxiety on the web, you will see Merriam Webster defines it as:

apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill : a state of being anxious 

with a medical diagnosis of:

overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it

Anxiety is something I have fought with most of my life. Often, I have ignored it, or been able to "move past" it. I remember during my first year of college experiencing a lot of anxiety. I was not use to studying. I was definitely not use to living outside of my parents house. I wanted to make friends and do all the things everyone else I was meeting was doing. What I struggled with was studying back in my dorm instead of watching TV when others were studying. So when others did well on tests and in classes, I struggled with learning to study and be prepared for exams. My mom took me to counselors and hypnotists. When my aunt was suddenly killed in a car accident during the Spring of my Freshman year, my counseling increased and I did not like the medication I was prescribed. Immaturity I now know played a huge role at that time in my life, but the anxiety that I did not properly grasp was also present.

I am still learning to address my anxiety properly and struggling with prayer with it all. From loosing Riley, loosing Gabriel, taking a risk and opening a dental practice with my husband, loosing our dads, and raising kids (especially with their own unique needs and medical concerns), I have realized that I may have usually dealt with the anxiety by putting other things on my plate so I did not have time to think. Maybe I do better with my anxiety when my plate is too full, however, there are times that I just want to sit and cry. I want to pull the blankets over head and stay in bed. I want to take enough medication to make the tightness in my chest stop and feel more "lighthearted". 

I have talked to counselors. I have talked to my primary care doctor. I take anxiety medications. But I am lacking in prayer, or at least the prayer time I use to devote. I have tried to read again, and included books to better serve my purpose God has intended on earth (along with my pleasure reads). 

But this week, after a few stressful, what are normal life is going wrong (water heater went out, minor issues on vacation, water pump in van went out, etc.), I woke up at 4:30am from a terrible nightmare and my left arm was throbbing and I felt a burning in my chest. I had a very vivid dreams that night with some of the things that stress me out or make me anxious, but that particular dream that I awoke from was Jonah having an allergic reaction to a food he was eating at school. If you have never witnessed your child (or anyone you love so deeply) start loosing signs of life, be grateful. I don't wish those visions or realities on anyone. So, I put it off as anxiety and tried to go back to sleep. However, as the day went on, my left arm was still hurting off and on and my chest was tight. I put off having an EKG until Andrew got home to be with the kids that night. The thought of having to ask for help or figure out where they kids were or who could get them was more than I wanted to deal with during the day. I know I should not have worried about that, but I did. Luckily, my EKG was good. The urgent care doctor said that I may have pulled a muscle in my neck or chest and that is what caused the arm pain. And I also need to get more control of this anxiety.

But how do I do that? I can change a lot of things in our life to make it less stressful, but life is stressful. I cannot change Jonah's food allergies and that is something that weighs heavy on me everyday. The odd thing is, it isn't that we have to pay more for food, or figure things out different to cook. It isn't even where he is going to school or who is with him because God gives me peace for that than I could have imagined (even though my dream was different), but it is because I have felt for years that there is something God wants me to do besides what I am already doing. I use to think it was for Riley, and that is why I started this blog and talk to other moms who unfortunately joined our "club". But I really feel strongly now that it has something to do with Jonah and his allergies. I could be wrong, but I am going to start stepping out in faith more than I have been. I am going to do my part to try harder to bring Jesus into our home more than we have lately. And I am going to pray more for the answer and guidance of what God wants me to do, what my purpose is. And while I do, I will be blogging more on Jonah and our menus and what we do in our home to help keep him safe and still eat as a family without making different menus each night.

Please pray for us, and for me, as we learn to listen to the Holy Spirit more. I recently listened to our Pastor's sermon from last week since we missed church. He spoke of paranoia. And that hit me like a brick. My anxiety has given me such paranoia the past year. It is there when I talk myself out of sharing what we do for our family dinners. I do not enjoy cooking, but somehow I find some peace in it when I make a dairy free dinner for Jonah that he enjoys. That feeling makes me want to do more. So if you, or someone you know also suffers food allergies that are severe enough they could die, please know you are not alone! And if you suffer from anxiety, please don't suffer alone. Talk to someone and seek professional help. 

Jonah

All of our children have aspects that remind me of Riley. Unfortunately, Gabriel was too young in utero to be able to have many comparisons toward. 

This week, Jonah graduates Pre-K. Jonah has a lot more about him that makes me think of Riley than I realize. Had Riley survived birth, he would have had heart surgery. And, had he survived that heart surgery, more than likely he would have had more life or death situations including more surgeries in his lifetime. But, God's plan for him with me on earth was the 37 weeks in my utero that I would never give back. I often wonder what my life, our life would be like if Riley were alive as it would be full of doctor appointments and constant worry if he would survive. 

Jonah has had his own health challenges, and some life or death, that have filled our lives with constant doctor and specialists appointments, surgeries, and worries over where he is, who he is with, and what is around him (food and environment). 

To begin, during my pregnancy with Jonah I had a subchorionic hematoma. I was on pins and needles during his pregnancy more than I care to admit. 

Fortunately around 37 weeks, he quickly entered the world, at which point he surprised us with an extra left thumb! He has since gone through 2 surgeries (so far) to function like a normal child. I am happy to discuss this surgeries with anyone in more detail, or on here at a later time.

Then, around 9 months old he started showing signs of food allergies (FAs) It was determined at that time that he was allergic to milk and egg. Today, he can have eggs but no longer anything with cashews. This has been the most difficult, informative, scary, heartbreaking, lonely, proud, educational, life-changing journey. I feel God calling me to do more with this part of Jonah's life, so stay tuned and join me in prayer that I follow God's will and not my own here. This journey has also involved lots of anaphylactic reactions, ER trips, (including 1 by ambulance).

Later, he would loose his baby fat and an inguinal hernia was discovered that had probably been there since birth. His surgery to repair his hernia was just 8 months after his first hand surgery and 4 months before his next hand surgery.

Next, he would carry around big books and take a fall into the island in our kitchen and split his head open just below his eyebrow. The year this happened, I think we were in the emergency room 5 times. 

Finally, his outdoor and environmental allergies are constantly changing. We had a night when he was a few years old that I had to drive him to the ER because he was struggling to breath. He had a rescue inhaler that he used 1-2 times a day for almost 2 years. During part of this journey we had to eliminate outdoor play during peak pollen times and could not allow those who were around dogs to be around him without fresh clothes. Then, about 18 months ago he did so much better he could be outside and be around dogs. But, after fostering a puppy for a week, we learned he is reacting to dogs again, and had to return the puppy without adopting her. This was a difficult decision for our family that affected everyone. 

But no matter what life has thrown at him and no matter how many times he has been stitched, poked, examined, driven around to sit in waiting rooms, he is a happy kid. He gives the best hugs and likes to climb me as if he were suppose to be a monkey. I have nicknamed him Monkey, so you may hear my call him that at the ballfield! He is a joy, and although he is the middle child living in our house, he does not get typical middle child treatment. He is learning to navigate his FAs and environmental allergies. 

So this week, if you see me "boo-hooing" it is because this precious child of ours is graduating Pre-K. This is an accomplishment with his FA journey alone! I am so grateful to both programs and their teams who have navigated this FA journey with us and those who have gone out of their way to include him!

Pray for us come August as we start a new school with new teachers, staff, and friends who will get this Momma-bear's cautionary concerns heavy at the beginning with constant checking in until I get back to the comfort both The Academy at Wellspring and Station Hill Mother's Day Out have given me!

Jonah, we are so proud of the boy your are and the young man instincts that are shining through. You will do great things in this world! God has BIG plans for you and I am glad I get to be your mommy and to see you living them and growing into them!

Perfectly Imperfect

 

     I overwork myself. I miss opportunities with my kids, but I am trying to do better. I let my desire for things to have order and a place run my day. Yet, even the order I have things in is not the final desired order for it that I have. I have made mistakes and I have regrets. The last couple of weeks have been particularly emotionally heavy. Ok, honestly, the last couple of years. Ok, ok, and even before that. When things have happened I have not given myself the time (or resources) I should have to face life's realities head on. Did I face them, yes, but with my face turned as I continued to walk forward with the motions of moving on. I am perfectly imperfect because I am His. Before I was created in my mother's womb, God knew me. He knew my struggles. He knows now my desire to fill my plate, even when he longs for me to dump it so that I am fully in his presence. When I was pregnant with Riley and the few weeks after loosing him, I was in the best place spiritually that I have ever been in my life. Now, as I watch those I love suffer and pass away, I am reminded to slow down and focus on what is important. I yearn for the spiritual healing and feeling I had during that pregnancy and few days that followed.

     I don't blog as often as I probably should. I find myself thinking about writing and blogging as I am driving kids to and from school and other necessary places. I find myself starting to dream about what to write, especially as I sit in church staring to feel fed and then pray for God to guide me for what I should write. I pray that he gives me the words someone needs to hear, while at the same time having an outlet to express any emotions I am experiencing at that time. 

     Today, I took some time to look through old photos and yearbooks, remembering those who are heaviest on my heart. Today, I took time to sit and work on grant writing for my cousin that I have committed to, but I keep procrastinating. Today, I am taking time to write on my blog that I put in place originally to honor and remember our first son, Riley. 

Today, I feel called to share 3 things:

1. Don't desire to be anyone else. Be YOU! If you don't like the current version of you, get your bible, get a devotional, join a bible study, go to church, and breathe in the words. Pray God gives you the peace that transcends all understanding. I can say that I felt that so strongly the minutes after the doctor announced that Riley did not have a heartbeat. I cannot explain it, but it was a peaceful high that I long to feel again. And I know, I want a better version of me. In that version, I will do better to listen to Him and feel that peace again as I slow down and obey His word. (Read Philippians 4:7). I am a constant work in progress.

2. As I went through my organized boxes of scrapbook memorabilia (see, in it's place - organized boxes, when I haven't actually put it in it's place - a scrapbook), I found a small scrap of paper with my Papa's handwriting. It read "Deuteronomy 29:29" I looked it up and read '"The LORD our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us, so that we may obey all the terms of these instructions."' I read that after he passed and it was just words to me. Today I read it and I FELT it! My Papa may have had some financial secrets, but God was not a secret to him. He shared when he could and he studied to learn more. He was active in his bible study and constantly joined in the discussions and tried to study more. He followed that passage and showed me what it was like to be a Christian and a Christian role model in our home. So really, from this second share of today, I want those of you reading this to focus on these 2 things: 

        1) Do you know Him? If not, what can you do to get to know Him and feel His peace in a complicated world? Please seek to know Him. If you are reading this, know that you are loved and I desire for you to find Him and live in Heaven with me someday.

        2) Are your affairs in order for your passing so that your family knows your wishes and can spend time mourning and celebrating you rather than frustrated and lost in papers and legal concerns? If not, please check out Addio, https://www.ouraddio.com/

3. I am not perfect! I am no where near perfect. God is perfect. If you see me do something or I say something that offends you or makes you think less of me, please do not think less of Him! I am learning everyday. I need to be fed everyday by His word. I need to be forgiven everyday, and only He can provide those needs to me. What I have is not mine, not even our children are ours, but they are His. We are blessed to be their parents, and we fail at that some days. But I will continue to teach about Jesus in our home and pray over my children and their future spouses so that they will continue on spreading His word and hopefully in better ways than I ever could or will. Do I claim to be a Christian. Yes, but it is no claim, it is the truth. Do I falter? Do I struggle? Absolutely! But I am not afraid to admit that I am perfectly imperfect and I desire to do better, to know better, to know Him better, and to spread His love. He loves me. He desires for me to do better. He has provided me the words to follow to show how I am loved, how you are loved, and how we should love each other, imperfections and all!  

I voice memo'd the short poem below one day at a red light when I felt these words come to me. 

Open the doors and you will see a family that does not live perfectly.

The house is a mess, toys on the floor, screaming and yelling…we did our best. 

Vitamins by the coffee so we don’t forget, minds that are stuck with pandemic regret. 

Bills need paid and family needs fed as we count the hours 'till we go back to bed.

 

The ways in this world are quite different today, through our adult eyes we long for childhood play.

Generations pass on as we move toward our turn, yet even some younger no longer have candles that burn.

 

Our one saving grace from the heavens above is to know God has a plan for us with his great love.

We’ve had days of miracles and days of despair. We’ve had days of laughter and others filled with gray hair.

We long for the days when God calls us home, but until that day come know you are not alone. 

Open the doors and you will see a family that does not live perfectly.